The Long Way Here
A book series about identity, memory, longing, and the lives we build after survival.
These are stories about what comes after--after the leaving, the loss, the years spent holding everything together. About men who know how to function but don't always know how to live. About intimacy that almost happens, love that arrives at the wrong time, and the slow, uncomfortable work of becoming someone capable of being known.
“Somewhere in this city is the man I’m supposed to fall in love with. I believe this the way some people believe in God: without proof, against evidence, because the alternative is a life I don’t know how to live.”
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Book One - Before I Knew My Name
A narrative exploring the life survived and the existence still desired.
Joaquin Aberra possesses the markers of a steady life: a government position, sessions with a therapist, and a Goldendoodle that dominates his bed space. In Washington, DC, he has curated a lifestyle that appears composed and successful to observers. Yet, he lacks the profound sense of belonging within his own walls.
His reality is defined not by emptiness, but by a lingering lack of fulfillment. It is a cycle of near-misses. Relationships that tether him to almost, intimacy that remains just out of reach, and evenings where potential bonds dissolve into the quiet realization of solitude.
Deep down, he remains the small child abandoned on a dusty New Mexico street, watching a car disappear. That definitive parting sculpted his entire reality—instructing him how to shield his heart, how to retreat, and how to prefer isolation over the agony of abandonment.
Before I Knew My Name offers a profound look into manhood, recollection, yearning, and the delicate, persistent hope for true intimacy.
About
Joshua McCray
Joshua McCray writes fiction about identity, memory, longing, and the lives we build after survival. His work explores masculinity, family, and the complicated, often beautiful process of becoming someone new. He lives in Washington, DC, where he works, writes, and continues to believe—against better judgment—that love is still possible. Before I Knew My Name is his debut novel.
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Common Questions
Are your characters based on real people?
Yes and no. No one in the book is a direct copy of a real person (I like my relationships too much for that), but they’re all built from pieces of real life—things I’ve seen, felt, remembered, or couldn’t quite forget. So while they’re fictional, the emotional truth is very real.
What will happen to Joaquin?
I wish I could tell you he has everything figured out, but that would be a very different (and probably less interesting) book. He’s at that point where your life looks fine on paper, but something underneath it doesn’t quite fit. What happens next… is the story.
Are the places in the book real?
Some of them are, yes. Washington, DC and the Southwest are very real places in my life and in the book. But like most fiction, things get rearranged, combined, and occasionally invented to serve the story. So if something feels real—it probably is, just not always in the way you think.
Is this series going to television?
From your lips to someone in Hollywood’s ears. Nothing official right now, but I’d love to see these characters brought to life on screen if the right opportunity comes along.
Do you do in-person events?
I do—or at least, I’m open to it. Readings, conversations, book clubs, all of it. If you’re interested in having me, reach out. I promise I’m less intimidating than my characters.